he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
