Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
