i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
