Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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