i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
