His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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