hotel room ftw
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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