I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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