I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
