The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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