I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
