I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
