Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
