Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
