She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
