i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
this hospital has no fireball
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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