My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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