I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
