So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
