we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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