just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
worst night to have a conscience
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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