I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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