I think I died a long time ago.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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