I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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