I need to stop coming to work sober
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
