and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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