my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
