i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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