if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
