bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
