somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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