my shit smells like andre
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
