So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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