I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
