Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So many bounce houses so little time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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