took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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