Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
