I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
