Umm I'm too high to move.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
