i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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