what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
