Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
