hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sober January is a disaster.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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