Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
