I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
