Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
