Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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