Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
