He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
