im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
