Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
