Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
