I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
