a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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