i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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