I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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