Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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