First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
