we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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