a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize