I wannas sexs uuuuu
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
