You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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