How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Say something about gay babies.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
