I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
