Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
