Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
