She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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