420 ftw
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
