Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
